Monday, April 17, 2006

Gonzalez's Heart

Today was a very mixed day emotionally. Jaden did really good over night again and this morning he got the go ahead to be closed. They said they were going to close him this afternoon.

Our friend Steph came at lunch time. Her and I went over to see Jaden. We were there for about 2 hours and at least 45 minutes of the time we were there he had his eyes open and was moving his arms around a lot. He is pretty sedated but does have awake times and it was when we were there. That was very cool. Steve was helping with the baby next to us so I did not want to leave to make sure Jaden did not hit his open chest or anything. The baby next to us went bad. They had to bring the crash cart in and the room filled with a lot of people. We were trapped in and had to listen to this through the curtain. I told Jaden he could not hear this and turned up his music. I had a really hard time dealing with this. I was almost in a panic. It just was to close to home. This could have been and still could be Jaden. He is totally in the circumstance that it could be him. It was so hard. I almost started to feel faint. It was not a good feeling and it affected my whole day. The baby ended up being stable and we were able to leave but he is still not doing well at all.

Sal and the kids left and that was very hard for me. I walked them to the car and didn't even make it there before I was crying. It is so hard for me. I know I will see them in a few days but it is just so hard. I did not let them see me cry but I could not hold it in when I said good bye to Sal. I felt a loneliness when I got to our room. I then decided to go back and see Jaden. When I got there, the doors were closed with and "OR in Progress" sign on it. They were closing him. When they were done, the surgeon came out and said, "he was a gem. It went fabulously." I was very excited it went so well. Kelly, dad, Mattie and I went and saw him tonight and it was so nice to see him yet another step closer to recovery. However, while I was in there his blood pressure fell pretty bad and the nurse even got nervous. This was the worst I had seen anyone respond to anything for Jaden. This was not good to see. By the time we left though he was doing ok but the nurse said tonight problems would be with blood pressure if anything. They will most likely have to give him more blood. He was already on the borderline for needing it.

Anyway, sleep overs start this week. (I am glad for this.) The kids go back to school tomorrow and they are excited. We have 2 pictures that Ashley gets to take to school with her and she asked if she can take them anywhere to show everyone. She is very excited for everyone to see them.

Well, I will let you know how tonight went for our little cuttie pie. Love to you all, Steph


Kristin said...


I want you to know that I am thinking of you and your family often. I admire you for the strength you have shown in these incredible circumstances.

Your faith comes through so clearly in your posts.

I know it will be trying for you to be there on your own (although it is clear from your blog that you will have plenty of company along the way!). I'll certainly be praying for you... and for Sal and the kids as well.

Stay strong! And know that you are truly an encouragement to many others as you handle this with such grace.


Robyn said...

What a day you had, wow! I am soo glad that all went well with the surgery, and am looking forward to my morning phone call to you to see how the night went. I'm really looking forward to bringing Ethan in the morning, it'll be fun to spend some 1 on1 time with him!! I am in St. Cloud tomorrow working from home, so will be around with the kids and mom. I will plan on wed and thur this week to come and stay with you, that will probably be the best days for during the week, let me know if that works for you or what. Can't wait to see Jaden!! Hang in there, this is another step in your journey which is a really good thing, and little Jaden will be home very soon!! He is in our daily thoughs and prayers :))

Love your sis, Robyn

wally said...

Steph, Don't forget in the morning
to che-check the muffins!!
Love, Dad

mama Rose said...

Hi Honey,
I am so sorry you had to experience the little baby's emergencies in Jaden's room. You know that God has you and Jaden in His hands. It was not an accident that you were there at that time. Little Jaden needed to know his mother was there. I am sure you gave him a feeling of security. He needs to feel you as close as possible even though you can't hold him like you would like. I know you hold his hand. He can feel that. He loves you with the capability he has. He knows and feels your love. What a gift!!

When I am there, I like to hold his little head in my hand. His beautiful black hair, his sweet little face. I miss him when I am gone.

He will be so happy when he can again feel the warmth and energy from your body, from his mommy. It won't be long sweety. And he will be so happy to again hear his daddy's voice and have his daddy hold him close. All in good time.

I am now heading to St. Cloud and will soon be with your sweet Ashley and Ethan. (and of course big Daddy, :)) I will make sure that he picks up his socks. hehe

He said he was going to order some groceries so I hope he got something that he likes to eat or I might make him some of my dishes that he might not like.... like "organic" stuff which is off his list, and of course he wants only "FDA" foods. Hmmmm that would mean he only wants drugs. Well I will get Sal in shape.

I look forward in taking care of the kids, but that means less time to stop in and see you and Jaden.

Well have to go, take care honey and we will see you Wednesday night.

Love from mom
(Always remember that with God, everything is in perfection so when things seems sad and loney, rise above and look with "eagle vision" the preciousness of every experience.)

Krista said...

Good Morning,
It is a great thing to get up in the morning and see the sunshine! I am glad that you and Steph were able to spend so much time with Jaden yesterday and that his surgery went so well.
The kids are probably so excited to be going back to school today and get back home. Although I'm sure that they loved all that they had to do at the RMH. What a great place!
You can make it with them at home! You have shown such great strength during all of this and Sal will be thinking of you and Jaden constantly! You have sooooo much support and just a phone call away!!
Let us know how the night went and we will continue to keep you in our prayers.

Steph and Mitch T said...

Hey there! You are doing great...I totally understand the lonely feeling that swept over you. When Mitch and the kids went to CO without me last summer I felt like I would be crying the entire week. Someone told me it would get easier, and I didn't believe them--I think I didn't want to believe them! But it did get easier.

Thanks again for taking me to see Jaden. I felt so honored!!

Steph T

Kurt and Mattie Krueger said...

Hello Steph,

It was great we could be there with you after so soon after the surgery so you weren't alone. The timing was ment to be.
Dinner was fun and seeing baby Jaden is always wonderful.
I will tell you , you were great when Jaden's blood preasure fell, he knew you were close, remember when he opened his eyes? I knew you were scared but Jaden is a trooper just like his mother.
God is always with you.
It sometimes helps me to remember the footprints....When you see only one set of prints it is because he is carrying you... God will carry you and Sal through the times ahead.

I look forward to holding baby Jaden.

I leave today but I will watch the blog close.
Love and prayers,


Anonymous said...

My eyes and heart are so heavy after reading your last entry Steph. I cannot imagine at all what you must be feeling everyday. I am so thankful that Jaden is doing well and is on the road to recovery!!! What a blessing it is. Your Faith has not waivered - your story is a testimony to say the least. I stand in awe of you, your strength, and your Faith. Jaden has no idea what an incredible Mother he is going to get to come home with!

Would you mind if I came down to visit sometime? I would love to see you and just support you! I have no idea when is best - certain days of the week or a certain time during the day. Can we connect on the phone or thru email?

Have a beautiful and blessed day! Kiss that lovely littel boy for me!

Love, Sarah Bjorgaard

Cindy See said...

I came to tell you that it was so nice to see Ashley this morning! Katherine was so excited!! She missed Ashley so much. One of the first things Ashley did was show Mrs. Schultz the pictures!! :) She is just way too precious.

After reading what you went through with the other baby, I'm sitting here crying. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. God is lifting you up and giving you the strength. I'm so in awe of you and Sal. Your faith is going stronger by giving this to the Lord.

I'm praying for you, Sal and the kids. {{{HUGS}}}

I wanted to ask you, how close are you to Gillette in Minneapolis? I have to take Josh to his appointment there on Monday and if you are close enough, maybe I can stop in to see you. I'll have to do a mapquest.

Take care of your self, Stephanie. Our prayers are with you!

Anonymous said...

Hi cousins - My boss said I could send brief messages while @ work, so just want to let you know my thots & prayers are with all of you at this very challenging time of your lives. Children are so precious & we know they are gifts from God, given to us to care for in the very best way we know how. Sending much love & a hug. I have enjoyed the updates & especially the pix of Uncle Kenton's. Yes, they are truly watching over all of you. They would be there beside you if they could. Karen sent me a note on Fri. Miss keeping in closer touch with all of you. Take care and know that many friends & families are sharing your load.
Cousins ALYCE and DEAN

Anonymous said...

Hi Steph, and Sal,
I can just imagine the emotional rollercoaster your on. Not to mention hormones that make you cry for no reason, all the other factors you are dealing with now too. Haley quite often askes to see your website and likes to look at all the pictures on it. She was asking the other day if our baby will need a surgery when it is born. Those little kids think about so much and sometimes floor me with what they say and the questions that seem to come out of the blue. Sounds like your Easter was pretty quiet. We host Easter at our house and after eating have an egg hunt for adults and kids outside. There were 3 big eggs that last year were for the big prizes. Well, one was hid under the boat and Denny and 2 others went diving for it. One of the guys tossed his bag of smaller eggs and while the "big kids" were scrambling for the supposed prize egg, Haley went over there and helped herself to the spilt eggs. Hey, who do you think she got that sneakiness from Steph? Not me. :>)
Jaden obviously gets his strength from you guys and although he doesn't know it yet, has a great family waiting for him to get better and come home.
And another thing Steph, how come your site notes seem to be all so late at night?!? Get to bed!! Okay, take care and let us know (at a decent hour) how things are going. Wish I could be there with you. Although knowing us, we'd just be crying the whole time. Jeepers, I get teary just reading all the postings here at work. Okay, kisses and hugs, Megan

Kristin said...

I was hoping to see an update...

I've been praying today that Jaden would be held in God's healing hands.

The Bible tells us that God can do "immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine" and I've asked him to do this for your precious little boy.


Carlos and Adina Harvey said...


Your faith is unbelievable. I wish that I had the "Magic Wand" to make it all better, but unfortunately we all know that that is not the case. I am soo sorry that I have not had the chance to check-in over the weekend. We left Friday for Arrowwood with the girls otherwise I woudl have came down with Steph T. I wish I could carry the burden for you, I truly do. But it is great to see that you are surrounded by love and friends and fmaily that is totally there for you all!

I miss you Stephanie and pray for your continual strength!

Love, Adina

Krista said...

Good Morning,
Just checking in to see how that precious little boy is doing!!
I'm sure that it was very hard for you last-night with everybody back in St. Cloud but with your strength, I'm sure you made it through OK.
Have a good day!!

Karen said...

Hey Steph,

Just checking in to see if there's a new update...We think of you so much, and each time Sam calls, he wonders if I've heard anything new. We know that it is hard for all of you right now to be separated, but you have all proven how strong your are - it's just another hurdle to cross. Before you know it, you'll all be at home together where you belong.....